he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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