id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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