Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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