eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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