Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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