I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
