Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
