i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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