You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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