I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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