why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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