Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
