Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
