But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
wow bdsm is so cute
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
