if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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