he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
