dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
