SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
