It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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