its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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