no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
