Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
