What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
