The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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