Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
