In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
