please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
