You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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