Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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