I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
