and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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