we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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