I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish you could order shots online.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
