Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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