I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well you can't waste a boner
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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