So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
