living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
