Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
