I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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