My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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