Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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