he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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