If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
