I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
