I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
