I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
