Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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