i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
