I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
