The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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