we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
