Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
