She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
