In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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