Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
