Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
