I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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