We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
