You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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