I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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