there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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