Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
