The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
