Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
