He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
