Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
