you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
