So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
