Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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