My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
