We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Be still, my beating vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
