We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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