She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
