You smell like a Billy Joel song
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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