Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
