billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it glows. i had to have it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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