I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
