Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
