Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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