I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
