2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
