Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
