Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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