hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
