i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
