I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
