Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
