So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
