I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
