So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
