why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
