i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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