So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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