If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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