Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize