I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
