My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You took a bar mat shot.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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