In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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