Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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